The surest way to invoke your rights is to say the Magic Words: I’m going to remain silent. I would like to see a lawyer. These two sentences completely invoke your Miranda rights. The reason for memorizing this particular formula is that it’s easy to make mistakes.

For example, some people say, “I take the Fifth.” That’s good, but it doesn’t remind you of what you’re supposed to be doing: remaining silent and waiting for your lawyer. If you say, “I take the Fifth” and then keep on talking, you cancel the effect. Not only will the police be able to go on speaking to you, but everything you say to them will be used against you in court.

Another error is being too hesitant, as in “I think maybe I’d like to remain silent,” or “Do you think I should talk to a lawyer?” Usually, people do this because they’re nervous and they don’t want to seem impolite. But the police immediately take advantage of this sort of shyness to talk the suspect into answering questions. Justin made this mistake in Use a Pie, Go to Jail.

Finally, some folks give in to the temptation to get fancy, saying things like, “I hereby respectfully invoke my constitutionally-protected rights not to be forced to incriminate myself and to have adequate access to counsel, etc.” Such long-winded versions are silly for two reasons. First, you’re likely to contradict yourself or leave out something important. Second, it makes you sound stuffy, which annoys the police. It’s best to keep it simple: I’m going to remain silent. I would like to see a lawyer. This gets the job done, legally speaking, and keeps you from getting the wording wrong or sounding like a wanna-be lawyer.